"I'm Egyptian and my wife is from the South, so our kids are HALF-ARAB and HALF-REDNECK. These are gonna be some CONFUSED kids. Someday they're gonna be burning crosses on their OWN front lawns!"

"The reason there’s so much fighting in the Middle East is that it’s too damn HOT there. It’s about 115 degrees IN THE SHADE. After wandering through the desert for two weeks wearing a robe and a towel on your head, you’re ready to kick some ASS. If we want to bring peace to the Middle-East we’ve got to stop sending DIPLOMATS and send SHORTS. You don’t see any wars breaking out in PALM SPRINGS do you? Those people know how to dress!"